- 7 Ways to Start a Conversation that Leads Where You Want It to
- 1. Start with weather (or sports).
- 2. Come out with a compliment.
- 3. Talk about the venue.
- 4. Ask a favor
- 5. Open with a joke
- 6. Start with an innocuous observation
- 7. Ask a question peripherally related to your intended topic.
- What to Talk About in a Conversation With a Girl – The 6 Dangerous Mistakes to Avoid
7 Ways to Start a Conversation that Leads Where You Want It to
Conversation, as a social construct, serves as a building block in the creation and maintenance of relationships.
It also serves as a gateway, which if navigated successfully, can lead you to the information or results you want.
On the surface, conversation is a simple dialogue of thoughts and ideas, but underneath, it carries rich opportunities to build and strengthen bonds, uncover new information, and present information of your own.
When talking to strangers or professional colleagues, you don't have a lot of breathing room in terms of topics and conversation patterns.
You might excitedly tell a friend about a new book you're planning on releasing, but if you do that to a total stranger, they might just think you're trying to sell it to them.
Skilled conversationalists are able to direct any conversation–even an innocuous “hey, what's up” to a place they want it to go.
So, how can you do this? Here are seven ways to start a conversation with potential to head in any direction you want:
1. Start with weather (or sports).
Small talk gets a lot of hate, but it's a perfect way to enter into a dialogue that isn't committed to any one subject.
Starting with the weather, for instance, gives you plenty of avenues for further exploration–you can use it as a segue into your geographic location, how you used to live somewhere else, how you're anticipating an upcoming seasonal change, and so on. From there, you'll be able to springboard into an entirely new topic.
For example, you could talk about how cold the weather is, then about how the upcoming winter will give you more time to work inside on your new book (drawing on the conversation topic example in the introduction).
2. Come out with a compliment.
Compliments are great conversation starters because they instantly flatter the recipient, making them warmer to you and more willing to participate in your conversation–no matter where it heads.
Be specific and sincere in your compliment, however, or you'll risk alienating the person.
Let the other person talk about the source of the compliment, and once the topic has been more or less exhausted, you can move in with almost any somewhat related topic you can think of–your flattered conversation partner will be much more open to hearing whatever you have to say.
3. Talk about the venue.
Talking about the venue or your environment is another great conversation starter that can work anywhere (and with anyone). If you're at a networking event, you can talk about the coffee or the seating.
If you're in the office, you can talk about the changes to the break room or the parking lot construction. It doesn't matter; all you have to do is find something around you that your conversation partner can also find.
This will create a near-instant sympathetic connection, especially if you have the same feeling toward the topic. Then, you can shift gears and enter into a new topic.
4. Ask a favor
Asking for a favor is a psychological trick invented (or first described) by Ben Franklin.
For some evolutionary reason, when someone does a favor for someone else, it sparks an inherent connection with that person, making them more open to hearing whatever it is you have to say.
The favor doesn't have to be a grand gesture or anything strange–it can be as simple as “Can I borrow your pencil?” or “Can you tell me where the bathroom is?”
5. Open with a joke
Everybody loves jokes. Tell an intelligent, clean joke that makes the other person smile and you've instantly created a sympathetic connection that can sometimes sustain for an entire conversation.
With premeditated jokes, you can easily find a joke related to your intended topic of conversation and lead in with it–it will seem innocuous and give you an opportunity to lead the conversation to your ultimate destination.
6. Start with an innocuous observation
Any observation will do, but try to find something related to your intended topic of discussion. Point something out and ask your conversational partner what they think of it–it could be a strange mark on the floor or a piece of news that recently came out. Then, gradually introduce a string of conversation that points toward your intended goal.
7. Ask a question peripherally related to your intended topic.
People participate in conversations best when asked specific questions.
Rather than trying to open a conversation with your intended topic directly, ask a related question to prime your conversational partner and loosely open into it.
For example, if you want to talk about the book you're about to release, you could open with something , “have you read any good books lately?”, then gradually shift to your own writing.
Once you've started a conversation that has the potential to lead just about anywhere, all that stands between you and your intended topic is a directional series of questions and responses. That's a fancy way of saying all you need to do is hang onto the conversation long enough to gradually introduce the topic you want to explore.
Remember, the key to successfully leading a conversation into a direction is to do so subtly–trying to force a topic onto somebody is a sure way to turn them off. Practice this regularly, and eventually you'll get the hang of it.
Published on: Oct 30, 2017
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
What to Talk About in a Conversation With a Girl – The 6 Dangerous Mistakes to Avoid
Here’s the deal…
If you plan to make a girl you, you MUST know how to talk.
You might have the best body language, great looks, and a boatload of money… but if you don’t know how to generate attraction through the way you talk to women, you won’t make it.
You’ll get NOWHERE…
Now one of the most common problems is not knowing what to talk about in a conversation with a girl.
Therefore, one of the common worries men have is running things to say and getting stuck…
So it’s CRITICAL that you have access to the types of topics that steer a conversation into fun and flirty banter.
==> Here’s an absolutely FREE training report that reveals exactly what to talk about in to make women want you
Now if you want to make sure that you don’t blow your conversations with women, let’s make sure you don’t commit the following 6 conversation mistakes…
Mistake #1: Not Being Prepared For the 90/10 Beginning “Stage” of the Conversation
Ever notice how conversations don’t really get going until about 5-10 minutes in?
This is called the 90/10 stage of the conversation where you are the one doing most of the work.
This is something that typically happens when you cold approach a girl and start talking to her for the first time.
She is going to be cold in her head… just as YOU were before you “warmed” up before your approach.
So don’t get discouraged! Accept that, at the start of the conversation, you will naturally have to do most of the work until you “unfreeze her” and the girl finally starts to contribute.
This also means that you need to have a good idea of what to talk about in a conversation with a girl or you will run things to say during that 90/10 stage.
(Here’s a guide on what to talk about and how to never run things to say with women)
Mistake #2: Being Oblivious to Her Signs
Pay attention to the signs a girl sends you.
These signs help you calibrate your “game” emotionally… to see if whether you are doing is working or not.
They also help you determine if you should make your “move” and ESCALATE the interaction to the next level.
Being oblivious to her signs is walking through blind alleys clueless as to whether your game is working or not.
Pay Attention to The Following Signs
- Is she ENGAGED and making eye contact with you… or does she seem bored looking around for something (or someone) ELSE to stimulate her?
- Is her tonality emotional, or does her voice sound dry and boring?
- Is she giving you compliance? Or are you having a hard time getting her to do what you want?
The answer to these questions provide clues as to whether or not she is intrigued and you should escalate.
Mistake #3: Not Assuming Rapport Right From the Beginning
Ever notice how, right after that first conversation with a girl, talking to another girl seems so much easier?
That’s because you’re already “warmed up” being in rapport with someone so you don’t have to build it up again.
However, if you develop the skill of ASSUMING rapport with women right from the start of a conversation, your “warm up” gets so much easier.
Even if she’s a complete stranger, you should be bringing the same friendly energy as you would with an old friend.
What most men do when meeting a woman for the first time?
They get into the “stiff and formal” automatic mode reserved for strangers.
Well it turns out that this type of communication makes a woman TREAT YOU A STRANGER.
You aren’t quite loose and open… and she isn’t either, which leads to uncomfortable awkward silences that DEVASTATE these new conversations.
Jump right into rapport with a woman, and she will follow and connect with you instantly… which makes her say “I feel I’ve known him forever!”
Which is what you want, isn’t it?
Now the next mistake is a very common TRAP…
Mistake #4: Falling into Interview Mode
Ahh yes… the dreaded interview mode.
Interview mode happens when we’re stumped and unable to come up with what to say next.
Then, in an effort to just say anything, we start shooting out logical interview-styled questions
- what do you do?
- where are you from?
- what do you do for fun?
And whenever a conversation gets too logical with a woman, it…
- prevents the girl from getting emotional
- kills the fun vibe
- SUFFOCATES the chemistry happening between you
and the woman.
The type of conversation you want with a woman should be a fun “back and forth” that contains lots of emotional interplay between the two of you.
It should NOT feel a boring job interview.
Mistake #5: Letting the Girl “Lead” During the Conversation
This is a BIG one.
When most guys get into a conversation with a woman they , they tend to wait for her “permission” before taking
any sort of lead in the conversation.
They do this because they’re scared to make a mistake so they “play it safe.”
But when a girl gets used to leading you, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for her to feel any attraction for you.
She will only see you as the nice guy friend she can “control.”
She will never see you as a man she might get sexual with.
One thing men fear is choosing the “wrong” topic of conversation or pissing the woman off.
But I’ve found that a girl will follow along with whatever topic you go into as long as you LEAD with initiative and you bring a strong energy into what you’re saying.
When you lead, and a woman follows, what she truly follows is the ENERGY of how you say things and express yourself, not the “logical” words that are coming your mouth.
I hope you get the picture.
Mistake #6: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
Why? Because it’s what holds you back from EVER having the success you truly want with women.
I get it… we men don’t to look “weak” and helpless… so we don’t to ask for help.
I get it because I’ve been there myself.
I know how it feels to struggle with girls and not know how to maintain a conversation…
All while that other guy easily got her excited and giggling with no effort at all… getting her eyes to light up and getting her to leave the party with him while I was left standing all alone.
That’s why I want to show you the proven tools and conversation techniques — to help you MASTER what to talk about in a conversation with a girl… and so that you don’t struggle with women any longer.
If you want to get the “talking to women” part of your life handled, then get this absolutely FREE 23-page training manuscript that reveals exactly what to say to make girls want you.
Not only will you learn how to never run things to say with women in a conversation, but you will also learn how to ESCALATE conversations to a sexy, flirtatious topics that gets girls excited to keep talking to you.
==> Click here to discover how to make “small talk” sexy
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